Life: Idiotropic

Gas seems to be a topic of discussion everywhere. You all complain in the states and we all complain here. After all, our gas rations are supposed to be a bit lower than the US national average and it tends to be on the higher side making us wonder where that excess goes. Still, by doing the math and seeing what locals here pay, I am grateful for our coupon books and understand better why bicycles are so popular here. If I had to pay $9/gallon, I'd be riding my bike too.

We purchased 100 liters today for $109.53. In Germany, the price for 100 liters of gas is 149.90Euros. It's even more expensive in the Netherlands. While we are driving around Germany, it's not so bad. We can buy gas at Esso stations which can mean driving out of the way sometimes, but at least we get gas at our price and not theirs. The problem is longer road trips. Driving outside of Germany is expensive if you have to fill up with gas there. We've paid over $150 just to fill one tank of gas in France... and that was when the dollar/Euro conversion rate was a little kinder.

The math...

I pay $1.095/liter or $4.145/gallon
They pay $2.374/liter or $8.986/gallon

Since I'm ALWAYS the one holding the camera providing me with TONS of beautiful photos of Kirk with our girls and almost NONE of me, I finally made an appointment with a photographer who just moved into town. She's absolutely wonderful and we had a good time. Here are the photos!

http://picasaweb.google.com/CatherineSparks/StalhaumFamilyPortraits


And, since she is trying to set up a legitimate photography business here in Germany, she isn't accepting payment yet (wants to make sure that there are no glitches in the legit business - it's difficult here), so we'll just make a donation. This is the charity that she supports... a beautiful thing. https://www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org

On our way to the Keukenhof last month, Elise had to go to the bathroom. Knowing that the autobahn was a long stretch with no facilities, I convinced Kirk to pull over by some trees on a narrow dirt road. Elise was uneasy at first, but finished triumphant and giggling in that "I just did something not entirely acceptable" kind of way... she was thrilled. She said it was fun to potty in the grass.

Today I was walking outside to talk to Kirk while he grilled our dinner when Luci passed by me informing me that she was getting tissue for Elise who needed to go potty. So, I walked by Kirk and went into the garden to find her. No where in sight. "Elise?" The leaves of the hedge rustled and there peaked out my youngest, bare bottomed with her underwear and skirt in her hand. "I had to go potty," she said. "Have you gone yet?" "No." "Well, then get in the house and go!!!"

Silly girl. You'd think I had boys. Guess she's ready for a camping trip.

I've had a difficult time focusing on this blog lately. Not because there isn't anything going on. The kids continue to grow and do amazing things that make me burst with both laughter and pride. My life continues to bless me with opportunities and people, events, and bits of culture. And, of course, I still have some absolutely amazing trips to properly post before I start off on any new ones.

Really, truly, it will come. I need to do it for myself and my children as much as anyone else. But this is a season of mixed emotion.

Many of the current happenings here are tainted with good-byes. I don't like good-byes in any form unless, of course, it's a swarm of ants or something. Unfortunately, these aren't ants I'm saying good-bye to. These are my best friends. People who have given me the invaluable gifts of friendship, memories, and laughter. So in every party and celebration that we attend now, there's a precious friend who's leaving, one who will say good-bye with the hope and intention of staying in touch, visiting again, and continuing the growth of a friendship. I do hope that I am diligent enough to keep those friendship alive.

And then there's grandpa. When I was a little girl I wanted to learn to speak Hungarian so that I could talk to Omi, my great-grandmother, but she passed away before I learned even a word. This last year I kept getting busy or for some reason, put off writing about the many trips we took. When I did write about one, I would get a nice note with a poem and some family photos from my grandfather who would thank me for the "email" and praise my writing ability. Grandpa wrote and painted. His praise holds immense value to me and now it's gone except for the pile of precious hand-written notes I've saved

Last time I saw grandpa he asked when I would send another "email." Soon, grandpa, soon. And now it just doesn't matter - as much. I never blogged my trip to Austria - grandpa's birthplace - or Spain, a place he'd been. Or Brugge...

I will continue. There is importance still and I do want to get my memories down before they fade, but when it slows, and when I take these pauses... it's sometimes just too hard. I can't write about any of those trips from last year without that tinge of regret that my grandfather will not be able to read them. And I see so much of him here in this continent where he was born... memory is bittersweet.

This evening Arianna asked me if she could play dress-up. I said "yes" and she did a little jump and whispered "yes" triumphantly as if I'd just told her she could have a pony, then she ran upstairs and that was the last I saw her for a little while. I was busy with other things. At some point Luci and Elise joined her... and then they all ended up outside. Pretty soon they wanted to play on the back street - and they said that Tante was out there so I let them go.

A bit later I went out to check on them and saw Luci in her frilly pink dress skating around in roller blades. Arianna was on the bike. By the time I got my camera they'd switched, but this is how they spend a couple hours this evening - the skater biker princesses. Elise is the only normal once in the bunch - at least today.

That was the plan... but 2/3 kid parties ended up cancelled, changed, etc... so only Arianna got to go to hers. I, however, went to three parties this weekend. Not bad.

I enjoyed a leisurely Friday with my kleinest daughter and my closest friend driving over hill and dale looking for a little antique store that proved to be quite a gem. Actually, we found two gems that day. First, a beautiful gift shop in Hillensburg where I found an old enamel pot, then, after stopping by and not finding anything worth the long line at the cash register at the rather pathetic commissary case lot sale, we ended up in a little Dutch town at a beautiful antique shop full of architectural finds, old signs, wooden flour troughs, and large bread boards. It's a store that I could be quite dangerous for me. Too many fun things to see... and buy. Elise played with the small antique ice box while I perused the rest. This was a well-filling place. An artsy, fun, inspirational little shop of fun old stuff and ideas. The drive there was nice too across the green rolling Limburg hills with sprawling brick farmhouses littering the countryside. I'm going back this Friday. The only downside to this excursion was that we got thirsty and Elise was hungry, so we stopped at the first (not the best idea) place we saw. Functional, but not fun. Yucky, overpriced, greasy food... and poor, slow, not even with the slightest hint of courtesy service.

So while I'm driving to find food, my phone rings.... and it's Kirk... so instead of driving and talking, I pull over then (hence the icky cafeteria). He'd been invited by the general to a scotch tasting at his house, so, Friday night, Arianna was off at her friend's sleepover, Tiara watched the youngest two, and Kirk and I headed out for a social event. The boys all ate bar food and had a scotch tasting (they had more than a mere taste)... and the ladies all walked down to a new Italian restaurant in town - a very good one at that and enjoyed conversation and delicious food. The ladies clearly made the better choice. We returned to a yard full of humorously silly, but slurring men who eventually ended up in the swimming pool playing some sort of game where they had to keep a beer in their hand at all times. The great thing is that they didn't talk about work during that pool time - a topic that the guys have a hard time avoiding.

The night ended at midnight and I should have been home not too long after, but we drove one of Kirk's friends home (still not a problem)... and I made the mistake of heeding the advice of my not-perfectly-clearheaded husband and instead of backtracking and going the way I knew, tried a different way (the problem) and ended up meandering around narrow dirt forest roads clearly marked "no vehicles" for a good 30+ minutes. Finally took my own advice and back tracked. Got home at 0130.

Saturday I cooked and cleaned all day for a party I threw at my house that evening for Holly, my closest friend here who is moving to Texas in two weeks. :( Trying not to think too much. I'm really going to miss her.

I made raspberry sour cream cheesecake, tiramisu, puffed pastry cones stuffed with chocolate custard, baked brie in puffed pastry, stuffed jalapenos, and a delicious nectarine wrap (recipe to follow). YUM. The other ladies brought food as well and we had wine, sangria, and iced sweet tea.

Conversation, lip syncing to Queen, swing dancing, story telling and a lot of laughter.... I won't need a going away next year. This was good. The people were all there. The photographs will be priceless.

Kristi took a group photo of all of us and I asked Tante Tinny to come. We waited and waited wondering what was taking her so long... then she came out, having changed into very nice dress clothes to join us taking both Holly's arm and mine while we sat together on the bench.

We all invited her to stay and eat with us, but she didn't come back in until around 11 when she came in clanging a bell and laughing with us all. (About 15 ladies came)

Last guests left after midnight. Another 0130 morning.

Sunday was relaxed... church, Immendorf for coffee and cake afterwards, then a neighborhood social that evening. A perfectly balanced day.

Now the house is reasonably clean and I have a day to rest, fold laundry and recoup before this week gets busy as well.

Here's a recipe worth making... it got RAVE reviews!

The bright yellow rape fields have finally shed their blooms but almost instantly, the poppies have come up in their place and the wheat fields are exploding with their whiskered stalks.

Thursday was Corpus Christi day, a Catholic and German holiday, so Elise had no school and Kirk didn't work. Instead, I took Kirk to one of my favorite haunts, that beautiful cafe in Beeck where I take friends all the time. Kirk hadn't been there - ever - but he loved it and asked why we don't go once a month! Since today was a holiday, they added salmon, fresh tuna, mettwurst and wine creme to the usual hearty breakfast buffet. We stuffed ourselves on fresh breads, cheeses, and German meats. Elise ate brotchen and schinkenwurst - her favorite. With no schedule to follow, we took a leisurely walk by the wheat fields after breakfast where Elise and I were happy to see a tiny golf-ball sized baby pheasant hiding among the trampled wheat stalks between two wide tractor tracks - may be not the best place for a nest.

This has been a relaxing week with three days spending time at the ceramic center at one of the bases pouring, shaping, and cleaning up ceramics. Clay therapy.

Luci went to the zoo on Thursday with her class and liked it, but didn't say a lot about it. She's more interested in the critters that she can take home. Elise has two days off school because of the holiday and had a good time "hanging out" with mom. Arianna went to her first sleepover this week at a friend's house and was the first one to fall asleep. Tiara got to babysit twice this weekend and made some cash - a teenager's favorite thing.

Just a little thing we take fore granted. Language. It slows things down here. Had an ultrasound on a Thursday at a German clinic. The doctor's report was, of course, in German. I brought it to the American clinic on the Friday. That was over a week ago. The paperwork (though it's only a half page in length) has to go to a translation service. I went in today. The doctor hadn't seen it. They expect it back Friday of next week - a full 3 weeks after I originally turned it in. Good thing I don't have some fatal, time sensitive issue going on.

Of course, for me, the major frustration is that I was told that because it was short, that they would translate it there for the doctor and I could go ahead and make my appointment. It is frustrating to get up early and make special arrangements, go to the MD and have them say, "so why are you here? I don't have any paperwork." Yep. That's life here. Wonderful in most ways, but extremely irritating in others. Sometimes I feel like we live in another epoch long ago.

A friend of mine took her son to the emergency room on Sunday. They told her they don't take children. She had to drive 45 minutes to the next one who prescribed antibiotics. The hospital didn't have a pharmacy. All the pharmacies in town were closed. It's scary how ill prepared they are for some things here... how many things people just accept and don't make better. Medicine seems basic. Especially at a hospital.

Advil is prescription only here. Poor Tinny had the most horrible headaches sometimes and has nothing that works for them. Once in a while she'll ask if I have something and she is always so happy when one simple little advil tablet will quickly work.

Herbs are pushed here with the same vigor that medicines are in the states. Somewhere in between lies a balance that I haven't seen attained. A mentholated bath, menthol tablets, menthol tea, even menthol enemas to cure a cold... people use these things here. Doctors prescribe them.

... and I can't find the buns!!! Seriously... have the hotdogs and all the extras, but there is not a bun to be found at Schinnen. 240 packages should arrive on Wednesday, I'm told, but that won't help me now. Hot dogs on hoagies? Will have to do, but not what I had hoped for.

Not stressing, not stressing...

Ok, it's not working. It's not how I'm wired. I was born to stress. Mellow is so not my style. I stress over the most organized parties. I stress over work that's already done. I never allow myself to mellow until the event is over. Though at times I am successful in appearing nonchalant, my husband and children know the manic me.

I'd be worried if this was a normal American birthday party, but it's instead a "normal" American birthday party with about 8 (I think) or more German children attending. Somehow that has the pressure on to make it special. Really, this could be the only time that some of these children are in the home of an American or experience something like this... it's got to be good. The list of activities is done... the games are ready... I made a pinata and bought one... cake is done. Mentally preparing. Kirk will translate. I think we'll have about 10 kids.


So, I wake up the day of Elise' party after staying up late preparing for an absolutely fabulous back yard bash with all the games and outdoor fun a kid could want. My alarm goes off at 0700. Kirk tells me it's raining and isn't going to stop all day.

Shifting gears. Almost all activities planned required the good ol' outdoors. So, I looked up activities, stressed, worried, and grumped. Cleaned and got food ready. I expected 10 kids.

At noon the doorbell rang and a steady stream of German children came in with their mothers. At the end we had over 18 kids - and only 3 of those were Americans. That number didn't include ours either. But it was fun. The kids played in the courtyard and the Schlachthaus with balls, chalk, and bikes. They played in the house with the legos and choo-choos that I'd gotten down. My friend, Kristi, painted faces for hours. We ate, we did two pinatas. And, I think, the kids had fun. Three parents stayed. That was it. 3.

And that absolutely amazed me. Imagine your 3-5 year old child is invited to a party at the home of a non-American. You don't know them. You've never been to their house. Will you drop off your child for 2 hours? They did. Yeah, I see them at the kindergarten and we exchange basic pleasantries, but I am not part of their community, really. I'm an outsider. I don't speak their language well. And they really don't know me. But there they were leaving their kids here and the kids were ok too. They played and talked to me as if I should understand every word. Surprisingly enough, I understood enough. They were sweet, well-behaved, and so fun. I can't wait until next year. One parent took the time to record 6 German children's music onto CD's for Elise and wrote out every single song on the back for us. They were so kind.

Here I wanted to impress them and they definitely impressed me. They made me feel like a lot less of an outsider and more like an accepted member of the community. And I got to hear Elise talking with her friends auf deutch which is just incredible to hear.

Today was a holiday in Germany, so we all had the day off. Kirk was home. He got back from Poland on Saturday. Tiara safely arrived back from Amsterdam last Thursday. It was nice to have an extra weekend day with everybody. The weather was beautiful again too, so we went to Wildpark Gangelt too see and feed the animals there. The girls love feeding the various deer and boars, sheep and goats. The pine martins, albino ferrets, and groundhogs were a big hit too. Tiara's friend, Mimi, let the girls know which deer had clean tongues since she was usually the first to feed them and got pretty muddy and slimy from some of those deer. Luci found two green caterpillars that she very sadly and reluctantly released after walking with them for some time. Elise played at the playground, then fell twice walking back in her near stupor exhaustion. And spunky Arianna would have stayed in the park all night, upset that I would tear her away. Tiara was home tired. Kirk was home cleaning and planning our October trip to Prague and Krakow.

The sun still has us intoxicated with a bright warm blanket of happy bliss, almost too content to properly complete a to do list. I think I shall like to be one of the wildpark's otters now and just play and nap all summer.

Today we celebrated Mother's Day AND Elise' 4th birthday!

Kirk cooked breakfast so I could sleep in and read (reading is quite a luxury).

Then, upon Elise' request, we went swimming where I realized that I birthed fish. Seriously. All 4 of my girls are sprouting gills. Tiara just made silver level in her swimming (400 meters front crawl, 300 meters breast stroke, 100 meters back stroke, start jump all done in 11.21 minutes plus a bunch of extra stuff...). Arianna can now plunge herself deep into the water and swim about 12 feet under water before coming up. Luci's just behind Arianna moving herself in the water and Elise, swims... her arms and legs both moving her through balance only with my hands at her sides, held more for her security than anything.

In the evening, Kirk grilled and we celebrated Elise' birthday in the garden with cupcakes and gifts. Elise was very sweet. Of course, all the girls decorated cupcakes, then they chose the ones that they wanted. Tiara put 4 candles in Elise' chosen cupcake. Kirk lit them. We all sung. Elise quickly blew out the candles, then Tiara took them out for her. That's when Elise saw the holes. Four holes left in her once beautiful cupcake by those menacing candles. "I don't want that one, Tiaya. I want that one." She says while pointing to Tiara's favorite cupcake... the one she decorated and chose to eat. But the party girl gets her wish and Tiara was stuck eating a holey cupcake.

Elise and Arianna rode their bikes on the back street. Luci, my fearless athlete, and Tiara, both rollarbladed. I sat and read my book in the sun sitting in the folding rocking camp chair that I got for Mother's Day about 5 years ago. Good day.

BTW - Just to clarify that our lawn isn't perfectly level and Tiara was standing slightly more forward than I, so in this picture she looks taller. That is not the case though she stands on her toes when she's near me to look taller and is anxiously awaiting the day that her height, like her shoe size, surpasses mine.

Today Luci got off the bus holding a carefully folded Kleenex square about 2" wide. It had a small piece of tape sealing it on one side and on the front was neatly written, "BUG."

After watching her take care of that small bug on the walk the other day, I was a little worried. Then she brought it home, carefully opened up the tissue, exclaimed sorrowfully that the head had fallen off, and then showed me the HUGE beetle with the sharp pointy behind and the very large separated head. She held it. She touched it. She carefully lifted up it's wing to see under it. She's completely mesmerized by it, interested in it, and not a bit frightened by it.

Then I got the note written on a small yellow lined sticky note from her teacher,


P.S. I just finally posted the IWC Italian night which includes two great new recipes!

http://estrogenpalace.blogspot.com/2008/04/iwc-italian-night-volare.html

At first glance, this is just an average photo taken through my kitchen window of the view from my kitchen window.

But look closely at the house. Then look at the new awning that is being built there. You will see a man. Not a young burly man, but Kirt, the sweet, old, widower who lives there now with Bonzai, his miniature pony. Kirt is in his 80's. I'm not saying that 80 is old and one should stop living, but building an awning and walking around on it standing straight up and holding on to nothing (which is what I saw him do), is dangerous. So is standing on a tall ladder cutting hedges with a lawn mower - another feat I've seen Kirk do from my window. I'm not spying, but I think that one of these days he's going to do something crazy and hurt himself, so I stay and watch and worry and will at least be ready to call 112 if something happens.'

Of course, the people here are blessed with rugged paths and farm roads on which you could bike the entire country without ever getting on a main road, so they are used to biking everywhere and just act a bit younger. Yesterday we were walking back from Rodebach and ran into our landlord's husband who, wearing nice slacks, a button shirt, and tie, had biked from Geilenkirchen to Hatterat to Birgden, to Gangelt, a few others I've forgotten, and was returning. He had errands to run and used his bike like we'd use a car. It's a beautiful thing.

The vibrant yellow rape is taller than my girls now and taller than me in some places, so I know the time will come soon when it is cut. With that in mind, I took the girls on a walk tonight to Cafe am Rodebach where we could walk around a large patch of yellow - one of many that are brightening up the landscape in all directions.

Kirk is in Poland. Tiara left for Amsterdam today with her 7th grade class and her friend who is staying with us for 2 weeks. So, it's just "the littles" and I. I had my camera ready and was soaking up the sun. Elise was whining every 5th step, but instead of being irritated, I remembered just a year ago when Luci whined every time I made her walk. She skipped ahead with Arianna today motivated by the big balls of dandelion fluff lining the side of the road.

Our reward was a small scoop of delicious home made ice cream - only .50 a scoop - best deal in Europe. The kids managed to eat it without mess and we all enjoyed a leisurely walk home - a walk that made me laugh listening to Arianna and Luci.

Luci - my nature girl intrigued by everything and disgusted by nothing. She picked up an ugly bug, carried it around on her finger most of the walk, found a bottle cap to shade it if she thought it got to hot and talked about keeping it forever and taking care of it. The photo of her is one that I took when the bug had climbed into her hair. She was not bothered a bit, but simply wanted me to take it out so that she could cuddle it in her hand again... gently, of course.

Arianna asked me about the big hearts on the many houses we passed, so I explained about May day here and how the boys buy the hearts for the girls that they love. Her first question,
"Can the girls do that for the boys too?"
"No, it's just for the boys."
"So what do the girls do?"
"Wait and be patient."
"Aaaargh. I am tired of being patient. Girl have to wait for answers. Girls wait for cake. Girls wait for EVERYTHING!!! I'm TIRED of waiting!"

And she's only 6.

[This is the May Day heart on Cafe am Rodebach. It says Daniel which means that Daniel is the boy who is giving his heart to one of the girls who lives there. Daniel also gave her a small crepe paper streamer covered birch tree that was carefully fastened to the corner of the house. Smart boy for not climbing the roof like some of them do.]

Anyway... a good walk. A beautiful day. Lovely flowers. And an endearing village. I love it here.

Pronounced "tsoog," it means parade and we have at least 4 little parades each year here in Gillrath. The men march by carrying different banners all dressed in either black or green suits and their felt hats with the feather sticking up out of them. The king and queen marches too and sometimes a band plays. Today it was a drummer, but no band. And, unlike others I've seen, the Gillrath children's soccer teams marched as well.

My girls had been playing dress up and didn't mind standing on the busy street looking frilly.

Arianna was the one standing up until the end, perched at the edge of the sidewalk with her large purple umbrella poised over her to block the sun as in an old Monet painting. She was a gaudy vision in purple and red velour. And then the soccer kids walked by and a boy about her age, turned around, waved, and pointed emphatically to Arianna saying, "Hallo, Prinzessin!" Over and over again.

Oh, she beamed and giggled and danced. "He called me a princess!!! I can't believe he called me a princess!!! I didn't think anyone would call me a princess!!! Wow!!!" I think that little gesture of a small German boy has made Arianna's decade - at least.

Elise saw a friend in the parade which made her quite happy as well. And then, as quickly as it began, it ended, and we all sat together on the windowsill of my house - us and Tante Tinny, enjoying the weather an not wanting to go back inside.

Holland is not a country, rather, it is a region of The Netherlands. Just as we would have North and South Dakota. The Netherlands has North and South Holland and while the whole of the country is absolutely beautiful, the Hollands are the areas where Dutch storybooks come from. Here is where you'll find old windmills in abundance littered around the canal ribboned fields of overly fat cows ready for their daily milking, rounds of cheese bigger then the tires on your car, swans everywhere, and tulips in bright bands of color adorning the fields along the coast. This is where you'll find Amsterdam, The Hague, a plethora of museums housing the well-known Dutch masters' works, houseboats lining the wider canals, and more bicycles than there are people to ride them.


Keukenhof done, we stopped on our way home today to spend a few hours in Delft. I love the roof lines in Holland. The whimsical stair stepped rooftops and slight tilt of the old buildings all stuck together. I still enjoy walking through the old towns and enjoy the history there, but I am also beginning to see the commonalities almost too much. Against all attempts to view this place where I live with all the wonder and excitement that I had when I first arrived, there are things that are starting to get, in spite of their interest and beauty, (dare I say it) - ordinary. Ouch. Sorry Delft. It is beautiful. The old Rathaus is beautiful and especially so today with not one, but two weddings in it while we were there. Any building is made instantly more beautiful if a bride is standing in front of it. And the Niewe Kerk (New Church) was impressive with it's massive tower dwarfing to doll house proportions all the tiny little buildings lining the market square. Of course, there were beautiful old buildings from the 1300's and earlier, lovely canals with nesting birds and little balls of downy fluff floating after their mommies in the still water, beautiful shop full of all the pretties that a tourist could want (at prices that a prince could barely afford), and sidewalk cafes with food to tempt you.

We stopped at one nice cafe for lunch and sat out under a big tree near the canal and a main pedestrian area where we could people watch. Arianna was disappointed that we didn't get the fish for her that she'd wanted at the old fish market nearby, but she's my only fish-eating child, so she had to go without. The lunch was good and the location was perfect. From there we took a long walk and got ice cream before heading home. It gave me a chance to look into some more shops where I found dreamy Delft pottery that I couldn't justify with lottery winnings and beautiful Italian pewter priced double what I paid for it in Italy.

The Royal Delft pottery is beautiful - there's no denying that. There is a long tradition of it there that they are and should be proud of. The pieces are hand painted which, I know from experience, takes time. It is; however, still pottery - fired clay with glaze. The materials themselves are not expensive. And while the workmanship counts for something, I can't justify paying $$$ (a small tulip vase that I liked was 140Euro) - the big ones went for hundreds on up... and I saw pieces for thousands. But, I love the traditional tulip vase shape with different places for each bloom. It is a traditional piece that, if I were to buy something, I would love to have. So, I'll look for a mold and see if I can make one. The painting itself isn't complicated. It's the shape that is special.

All in all, a very nice day spent relaxing in the sun that was a surprise gift after a rainy forecast and strolling slowly through the old streets pretending that there was not any sort of work ever required of us again. And, we did leave with souvenirs. I found a very nice cooking shop that sold beautiful things, so I got a couple pasta cutters and a few other odds and ends. Fun stuff.

The day was topped off with a whopping 60 Euro ticket for who knows what. There were absolutely no signs anywhere that indicated that we couldn't park there. There were parking spots and we fit into ours quite well. Others both Dutch and tourist were parked there. Very strange. And very expensive. An unplanned souvenir I could've gone without.

Wednesday was the night that the Germans hail in May with parties and celebrations in the larger towns and villages in the region. It's also the eve before May Day when the young men drink beer, blast their music, and cut down trees for the women they love. There are birch groves where young boys can now legally pay and cut down a sapling, but some still find trees elsewhere or they buy huge elaborate crepe paper hearts and heart or tree get hung on the home of the girl in the night or early morning to show that she is taken. Girls used to guard the trees that their boys left so that another boy would not steal her tree and put down his own. That would mean that she would "belong" to that second boy. Tante Tinny told me that her husband put a 15" tree on top of her house on May Day when she was only 16. He was older and was conscripted into the army in the war, so he fought and they dated long distance until he came back when she was 22 and they got married.

Thankfully for us this year, the police announced that the loud music would not be tolerated, so we didn't hear nearly as much as we normally do.

May 1st is May Day in Germany. It also happened to be Ascension Day here too - Cristi Himmelfahrt - literally translates to: Christ Heaven-Goes. It's Cristi Hemmelvaart in Holland too and a long holiday weekend for us, so we took the two days and went to Holland to see the famous Keukenhof gardens that I've wanted to see since I moved here.

Even the drive there was pretty. The gardens lie in the bulb region of Holland where for miles around you drive by brilliantly striped fields of flowers.


I'm not going to ramble too much here, but these are absolutely the most beautiful gardens I've ever seen. Only open for a few short weeks each spring, this spring bulb garden has over 100 tulip varieties amidst many other bulb flowers. In fact, of 7 MILLION bulbs planted by hand here, 4.5 million of those are tulips. Amazing, huh?

We endured rain during which the restaurant was inundated with humanity to the extent of standing-room-only and no tables by the time we'd gotten our 4 trays of food. So I stood there bewildered with my 3 little girls, Tiara, and Kirk and our trays of hot food, wondering what in the world we'd do. Finally we put our trays down on an unused counter area and started to eat there. Seeing the little ones barely able to reach, one of the kind ladies working there told us to go to the wine table. So, there we ate. Standing at a small wine-covered island in the middle of the cafeteria style restaurant amidst people reaching in for wine every few moments. The little girls were finally at perfect height and I stood there holding my plate of hot chicken and rice in one hand and my fork in the other feeling quite conspicuous, but hungry enough not to care.


Umbrellas sold out in the first moments of that deluge. I didn't bring ours. But, thankfully it passed after a while and the sun eventually shone again.

The rain on the flowers was beautiful anyway, so I was happy. Squares of tulips laid to the side in unison, beaten by the wind and rain. I was a kid in a candy store with so many beautiful flowers and camera always poised. The kids enjoyed the freedom of movement there and the frequent little attention grabbers - kids playgrounds, baby ducks, pieces of art and sculpture... there's a great mix there.

All in all, we spent 5 hours there and would have easily spent more if the playground had not been so wet. But after 5 hours, the girls were tired and needed to rest. Thankfully, our hotel had a fabulous swimming pool in which the girls all got to play. Elise could even touch the bottom with her feet at the shallow end and Arianna finally mastered swimming underwater with her eyes open all by herself - an accomplishment for which she's quite proud.

A few years ago, the girls got hand-made snowman towels for Christmas. Those towels are still their favorites.

Since this winter was so cold and in order to rescue my sanity and reduce the post-bath whining in the house, I started putting the girls towels in the dryer (which is in the bathroom anyway - old house, strange plumbing) so that they can have hot towels when they get out. They are soooo happy now after their bath. It's magical.

Anyway... tonight when Elise got out of the bath, I pulled the hot towel from the dryer and wrapped her up extra tight hugging her to steal a little bit of the warmth for me and she looked up at me with her perfectly angelic face and said,


Ahhhh... my girl. She's just perfect.

Spring is here, really truly. It's finally here.

There is proof of this in the large thick comforters hanging out top story windows to air out and dry, in the cotton candy blooms covering the trees in every direction, in the happy tweeting of birds at an increasingly early hour, and in the time spent with friends walking, talking, and enjoying our surroundings.

It was all topped off today but a visit to my favorite cafe in Immendorf with friends where the girls all got to order a large scoop of home made ice cream all by themselves for only 50 cents each and I got to relax with a berry topped cream cake while the kids played. This evening while the girls wrestled Kirk outside in the grass, I unloaded the summer bin and replaced the contents with every wool sweater, turtleneck, and long sleeved dress I could find in their room. Yep. Winter is finally over.

The events of the last couple weeks have been mostly joyous, with but one sad tragedy. Just one day after a triumphant Luci learned to tie her shoes ALL BY HERSELF, she found a baby bird newly hatched laying in the grass. It's egg was partially still stuck to it's new damp feathers. I suspect that a marder or other critter had taken the egg from the nest and was scared off before eating it. The bird had definitely hatched there. No nest was visible. The bird was barely moving. I was sure it would die soon. My neighbor suggested digging a hole, which Arianna did, but I could not stand to watch a bird being buried still alive. Besides, it was cold out and starting to rain and get dark. So, I brought it in, put it in a safe place in the bathroom where the drier kept the room warm, and gave it water and a little food. Fed and watered it at least every two-three hours even that night... prepared the girls that it wouldn't survive, but still tried. It perked up that evening. The next morning, it was still doing OK, but slow. It wouldn't eat as much. That afternoon it passed away, so I found a nice French cheese box, and we had a burial for it. Luci balled. Absolutely balled. She has my love for nature. Now she's trying to convince us that she needs a pet bird.

On a happy note, I've been outside in the sun which is wonderfully good for my mental health! One day I went walking from Geilenkirchen to Burg Trips and back with a friend, enjoying a cappuccino reward at the end. Saw baby lambs, baby geese, a beautiful blue heron, and a lovely large goose who hissed at me when I got too close. Went into a pet store and found out that dogs and cats cannot be sold legally in pet stores. You can only buy them from breeders or rescue shelters. And, the owner of my favorite cafe had found my local blog and asked if it was me who wrote the nice things about the bakery, so she wouldn't let me pay for my coffee and apricot quark kuchen. It was very nice.

Another sunny day afforded me the opportunity to go to Maastricht with a friend and walk the route that she goes. Funny how we are such creatures of habit. I still park in the same garage each time I go to Maastricht and I still walk the same route. Holly does the same thing - different parking spot - different route. So we did Maastricht the Holly way - by following a row of amazing shopping opportunities and ending at the most delightful surprise ever - a bookstore and coffee shop housed in an 11 century church. This isn't a church bookstore. This is a church building erected in 1274 that is now filled with book covered tables and a modern 3-story platform of books. It is a modern, secular bookstore - AND, it has an English section! (English sections here in Europe almost always carry books written or translated into British English, not American. Not a problem, really, but it is a difference.)

Everyone is happy. Life is good.

One day wasn't enough. Frankly, two days wasn't enough. I'm happy with my life and grateful for the opportunities to travel and see new things, but these are the times that hurt. I console myself with the fact that I've never been close enough to my family to have them over for dinner (so I should be used to this) and there is consolation in the family that I'm building for myself in my children. But there are so many things that I want to be able to do. I want to cook meals for my grandmother - not that she can't cook, but just to help and to share with her some of the recipes I'm most proud of. I'd like to just "stop by" with a dry cappuccino just for the fun of it, to visit, help out, and get to know this incredible woman that I only know through visits and coffee chats over the years and now, the occasional phone call. I want to have the family over for Christmas, Thanksgiving... you name it, I'll cook it. I'd love to celebrate the holidays with them all. It's not ingratitude. I am very thankful for each moment that I am able to spend back home with these people I consider myself lucky enough to be related to... but sometimes I get greedy and just want more. I crave the spontaneity that families living close can have. The, "hey, I just cooked an amazing dinner - come over and share it with us" kind of freedom. And, you know... there is so much of us wrapped up in where we come from. A certain relaxed state of being that comes when you can just totally be true to you are in a room full of people that have that connection. I feel more like me, refreshed and grounded after some time home.

Today was about family. One more visit with Grandma and Grandpa. We took my grandma to Portofino, an Italian restaurant in Pacifica that provides the quiet needed the converse and a soothing view of the ocean. Then we picked up our coffees and went back to Grandma's house to visit with Grandpa over sweets. It was a quieter visit... grandma and me talking more than the others. In fact, I think there as one time when Tiara and both her grandpas all nodded off sitting in their chairs. Grandpa was quieter today. But it was good to be there and to have that time. Still, I kept telling myself that he'd get better. That I'd see him on my next visit. Letting go has never been my gift. Now, of course, I wish I would have known. There are questions I would have asked and things I would have said. It's a dangerous game of woulda shoulda and what ifs.

Yesterday before our drive to the coast, we stopped at the allART Cafe for some authentic Italian espresso so that I could make tiramisu that evening. I'd learned how to make it from an Italian friend months ago, but I was nervous to make it now for family. The key is the coffee, really, so I knew that these precious shots of espresso would make or break my dessert. Last night I put it together and today Angie hauled it over to my sister's house for a family gathering with that side of the family. Wow. A hit! I was pretty happy with it and am ready to deluge my friends here with endless trays of the delicious treat. The relaxed time with family was nice. This was technically, the "step" family which seemed to matter more when I was a kid and my "step" siblings were older and living in a different universe than I. We had nothing in common then. Now, they're absolutely amazing people who I would love to be friends with if we didn't have an ocean and 5577 miles between us.