Life: Idiotropic

Today was the last day of school for Elise at the International Preschool. Some of you may not have realized that Elise was going to two schools. I haven't blogged much about it, but have talked about it here a lot with Kirk and my friends.

This year has been hard for me. With all the other girls I felt absolutely certain about their schools - where they should be. Decisions were made and I never second guessed myself - at least not much. But with Elise it's been different. I've spent this entire year deliberating my decision about sending her to the German kindergarten. Some days I love it and some days are just frustrating. If Elise loved it and ran in smiling every day, then there would be no discussion, but even after 6 months - even 8 months - she cried most mornings. She'd cling to me and cry - sometimes kick - and those poor teachers would have to pry her off and console her as I walked briskly away.

So, in March I found out that there was a two day per week slot opening at the International Preschool - the little school on base where both Arianna and Luci went when we moved here. There, the teachers are all German, but they all speak and teach in English. It's a happy place. So that last week of March Elise started and that first day she ran in smiling without the slightest hesitation. Her teachers told me that she went through her day with the other kids as if she'd been going there all year. That evening she sung songs perfectly that she'd just learned that day.

These last two months were those trial months. The time when I'd observe Elise and talk to Elise about her two schools. The time when I'd talk to Kirk and we'd try to come up with a decision that we felt good about. We had full time slots available to us at both schools for next year. We just had to know which one to let go.

And today, with Elise beaming from ear to ear, proud of her graduation and the certificate they gave her, running and playing with friends she'd known only months, but played better with than the kids she'd played with all year at the other school... today I knew.

And today I had the epiphany - that bolt of lightening - the realization that it wasn't just about her. The teachers at the German school are warm and wonderful. The kids have been sweet and helpful too. Elise has fun there and talks about it all the time. She has happy memories. But as I stood and talked to other parents... and as we made our summer plans and promises to get the kids together, I realized that Elise had none of that in Gillrath. Kids who live within walking distance might as well been countries away. I hadn't been able to connect with the parents. We didn't have play dates with those kids. Her birthday was a way that we reached out and they reached back, but that was monumental and may have been too late.

And so today - with her joyful face leaping around the playground with her friends - cemented the decision on which school stays and which goes. Elise has said all along she likes her "new" school better. She's right. This place is better for her. May be better for both of us.